Doc Sarge's Funkademy of Antagonistics

Jan 18

Jonathan Coulton says Glee ripped off his cover of "Baby Got Back" -

   If you were looking for another reason to hate Glee, this is a great one.

   It’s also kind of abstractly amazing. This is a hipster white dude accusing a hipstery musical TV Show of ripping off his ironic cover of a humorous pop-rap song. We’re so deep down the irony rabbit-hole that we’ve forgotten what sincerity even feels like. 

    So yes, fuck Glee for ripping off an actual artist’s work, because Coulton wrote that melody for those lyrics and that takes actual effort. 

   But really, fuck everyone? Hipster-Folk covers of rap songs are already stupid and contrived, but when you’re doing a hipster-Folk cover of a tongue-in-cheek pop-rap song that is already a parody of other rap songs (the guy’s fucking name is Sir-Mix-A-Lot) then…


    …typing that out makes me forget what I’m talking about. Oh, right: fuck everyone! Except The AV Club, I kinda love them.

Jan 17

“Do I contradict myself? Very well: suck my cock.” — Walt Whitman, Song of Myself (I may be paraphrasing)

Jan 15

Nick Fury Lied: Why Agent Coulson is Still Alive at the End of The Avengers

It’s been revealed that Clark Gregg’s Agent Phil Coulson will return in Joss Whedon’s SHIELD TV Show, and we know that the show is set after The Avengers. But since Coulson (spoilers) got impaled to death at the end of that movie, how can he come back? In what capacity? Will he be a hologram? The Vision?

No. Agent Coulson is just going to be Agent Coulson, because Agent Phil Coulson is still alive at the end of The Avengers.

That probably warrants some explanation.

Read More

I have a comment section on my blog now!

Reblogging is really cool in some ways, but I thought it’d be fun to see an actual discussion crop up about some of my posts, too. So you can now make “Disqus” posts on my blog.

I think “Disqus” is the worst name ever for a thing, because it looks so much like “disgusting.” “q” and “g” are very similar looking letters, especially with small serifs. Did I just ruin the name “Disqus” for you? Sorry.

Anyway, I’m betting this’ll really just make it so there’s that super depressing “0 Comments and 0 Reactions” note on each of my posts, but whatever.

Jan 14

some day I’ll get to where I don’t care what internet trolls think about me…

…but that is not this day!

Verbal Visual Vomit: thesargebag: Film School Rejects: 5 Films That Prove The Oscars Are... -



Film School Rejects: 5 Films That Prove The Oscars Are Terrified of Slavery

After I saw Django Unchained for the first time…

I was going to read this until I looked at the outgoing links for “movies that suck.”

Braveheart, Forrest Gump, and Shakespeare in Love are not movies that suck. You can make an argument that Shakes snubbed Saving Private Ryan. I certainly like Shawshank and Pulp Fiction more than Gump, but it’s not a bad movie. None of them are, especially when compared to Star Wars which had an incredibly rough theatrical release and Die Hard’s adrenaline fueled, blue collar American propaganda, both of which I love.

So, folks, the next time you want to talk about the politics, bias, and privilege of the Academy Awards, try leaving completely unfounded and subjective matters of taste out of it.

He probably only even mentioned Braveheart because Mel Gibson turned out to be racist. I mean, really, Braveheart? He could have put down The English Patient down and no one would have batted an eye.

(The English Patient isn’t that bad, really, but Fargo and Jerry McGuire were up that year. It’s really just the Shakespeare in Love situation except without the surprise of a Comedy winning Best Picture.)

Yeah, “folks”: If you’re writing an opinion column about your opinions about The Academy’s opinions, make sure to leave your opinions out of it. Somehow.

Film School Rejects: 5 Films That Prove The Oscars Are Terrified of Slavery -

After I saw Django Unchained for the first time, I jokingly tweeted that it was going to be funny when a bunch of white people get nominated for Academy Awards for this movie about slavery. Then the Academy Award nominations came out, and it became less of a joke and more an eerily accurate prediction.

I’m not telling you that to give you the impression that my twitter feed is magical or that following me will make your life immeasurably better (even though it is, and it will), just to remind you that the Oscars aren’t really about the best or most important movies, performances, or artistic accomplishments, which is why when you look at a history of the winners you’ll see a curious absence of classics like Die Hard or Star Wars, and an overabundance of movies that suck. Because instead of telling us what movies were the best, the Oscars tell us what movies made the Academy feel the most warm and safe.

Nowhere is this more apparent than when looking at how the Academy treats movies about slavery. They don’t want a smart, artistic analysis that properly explores the darker aspects of the fact that the United States contributed to a centuries-long genocide. They want movies that gloss over the pain and suffering. At best, they want movies that cut right to the part where white people get forgiven. Which is why we see the following trend in this brief list of every movie to deal directly with slavery and get an academy award nomination:

New CRACKED Article: 5 So-Called Signs of Genius That Any Idiot Can Learn -

You know what would be cool? Superhuman intelligence. To walk into a room like Dr. House or Sherlock Holmes and show everyone your brain works twice as fast as theirs. Unfortunately, we can’t turn you into a genius — genetics and the public school system have already tried and failed. But what we can do is teach you all the tricks you need to seem like one.

Because with very little practice, you can …

“Those protesters are never going to make a difference THAT way.” — People Who Have Never Stood Up For Anything In Their Fucking Lives

Jan 10

“No one should be forced to pay for things their ancestors did.” — The only people who aren’t.