"……because, um, the dog." — Examiner.com
5 Reasons the Video Game Industry Is About to Crash
#3. Publishers Are Gaming the Review System
You’re trying to get an opinion on what might be the only game you buy for the next couple of months, but it’s becoming increasingly apparent that critic scores and user scores just don’t sync up. Call of Duty: Ghosts currently has a score of 74 on Metacritic — not a fantastic score for a AAA game with that kind of budget, but check out the average user score: 2.3. (Metacritic uses a 100 scale for critic reviews but a 10 scale for users.) …Read the reviews — the critics’ write-ups boil down to “It’s a recycled version of the old games, but still good,” while the users’ consensus is “$60 is a lot to pay for recycled material, guys.”
Why is knowledge like Pokemon, but also nothing like Pokemon? Read my article to find out!
5 Important Aging Milestones No One Warns You About
You Will Forget Why You Believe Things That Were Really Important To You
…then college ended, and I got a real job, and suddenly my responsibility wasn’t to go to a room and half-listen to an incredibly smart person who was being paid to tolerate me explain some of the most complicated and nuanced ideas ever developed in human history. In fact, my responsibilities didn’t involve bettering myself at all. They involved doing things for “other people,” a group whose existence I had, until then, been only dimly aware of. I learned that if I wanted to learn, grow, and better myself, I’d have to do it on my own time.
So I stopped bettering myself, because I had fucking video games to play, and that’s where the Pokemon comparison stops working: In Pokemon, when you’re not using your Squirtlezard, you can put him in a ball in your bag and forget about him until you need him again. If you whip him back out days, weeks, or even years later, he’ll be in tip-top shape and ready to fight again. Opinions aren’t like that. If you neglect them, they start to die.
#CrackedQuotes #Tradition [via]
When I was about 11 years old, my aunt Leslie gave me advice that’s stuck with me to this day: “You can call someone a fucker, but you can’t call them a dumb fucker.” Then she drove me into the woods of Montana and left me there to find my way back to civilization alone. It was January, in Montana. Needless to say, I never let my Scattergories trash-talk get out of hand again.
Go read my new column, 6 Terrible Thing Movies Pretend Are Awesome!!
I’m really bad at social media.
I just realized that last week when I was promoting my second ever column for Cracked.com, I made a post about it on my blog with an excerpt but forgot to link back to the column. Anyone reading it would’ve assumed that that one paragraph was my column. I’ve since fixed it.
I’m really bad at social media. And I’m part of the social media generation. I literally make my living on the internet. And I suck at it.
Now imagine that I was promoting my new… uh, healthcare reform, or whatever presidents do in lieu of columns. And I read you an excerpt. And I told you it was great. And then I forgot to tell you what it was called. And I just walked off the stage and went into the backroom and started masturbating.
Now pretend that’s not par for the course for presidents and you see what a problem that would be.
All around the world, right now, people are having sex with people they aren’t in love with. Wanna hear something fucked up? That’s not the least bit fucked up. Both parties have agreed that their sexin’ is something that is fun but not necessarily linked to romance. Most of them aren’t even soulless husks of human beings, pumping away in a desperate attempt to distract themselves from how meaningless their lives are, secretly dreaming of the day when they can finally settle down with George Clooney and just spend all day stroking his lovely salt-and-pepper everything.
"No, no, kid! The excuhpts can’t be too long! Ya gots ta keep ‘em wantin’ — no, needin’ — more from ya! Hungry, kid, that’s what ya want ‘em to be! Hungry for ya brain! Keep the stinking masses hungering for ya brain!”
My agent’s advice is literally the worst advice anyone has ever received, but I can’t help following it. Go read my article, please, 4 Awesome Things Movies Want You To Think Are Awful.
Someone's Gay Corgi Told This Female Israeli Soldier She Couldn't Be A Paraplegic Kitten. Her Response Will Make You Literally The Happiest You've Ever Been In Your Whole Fucking Life -
We didn’t love Star Wars because we thought it was the beginning of a six-movie arc; we loved it because George “You’re all clear, kid, now let’s blow this thing and go home" Lucas was a young, energetic guy who, with a combination of luck and creativity, touched the hearts of literally millions of people across the world — something that 99.99 percent of people never even come close to accomplishing. And our response is to get angry when he fails to do it a fourth time? What kind of borderline psychopathic bullshit is that? Even porn can’t produce a boner every time, and that’s basically considered to be a blue chip medium.
My second ever column! I’m very happy with it.
nunquamconcedo asked: is it true that your website is giving everyone viruses
An excellent question! Here’s what’s up: some jerk tried to break Cracked.com with a malicious script. Our security team was able to identify the breach, we’ve implemented measures to address the problem, and we maintain an ever-vigilant, Ghostbuster-like watch over the situation.
If you run across anything fishy on the site, and you want to be the Zeddemore to our Venkman/Stantz/Spengler, let us know by e-mailing email@example.com. We’d appreciate it and you wouldn’t even have to get covered in ectoplasm.
7 Things No One Tells You About Being Homeless -
Quick question: If you came home from work one day and found that your apartment was gone — like if it got sucked into a portal to hell like the house at the end of Poltergeist — where would you go? If you say you’d stay with family, what if you had just moved to a new state, away from everyone? If you say you’d crash at a friend’s house, what if the only people you knew were your roommates in said apartment?
CRACKED interview with “William Bonnie,” who spent three months homeless in Montana. It’s nothing like what people think.