May 2012
25 posts
3 tags
6 Real Animals With Video Game Superpowers →
My first article for UrbanTitan.com!  Did you know that there’s an animal that imitates Sonic the Hedgehog’s Speed Roll? Or that there’s another that knows how to ROCKET JUMP? All this is true! You can either trust me or click on that link, but I prefer you click on that link because the guy recruited me from Cracked. 
May 1st
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My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant →
Jose Antonio Vargas has been a reporter for the Huffington Post, the San Fransisco Chronicle and the Washington Post. In 2008 he won a Pullitzer Prize for his participation in coverage of the Virginia Tech Shootings. In this article, he reveals to the world that he has been an illegal immigrant since he moved to the United States in 1993.
May 1st
3 notes
April 2012
49 posts
“A student blows up at a teacher, drops the F-bomb. The usual approach at Lincoln...”
– Lincoln High School in Walla Walla, WA, tries new approach to school discipline — suspensions drop 85% (via mchotdog) what a radical idea yo (via matthewdgold) This works wonders when you’re parenting as well. I love this. A little love and understanding goes a long way. (via stfuhatemongers) ...
Apr 30th
17,192 notes
It's way easier to write all day than do laundry...
Apr 30th
Whenever anyone mentions their Illuminati...
I always wonder, “why do you think the organization that runs everything happening in the world would bother being secret?”
Apr 29th
3 notes
Apr 28th
WatchWatch
ohheybill: I have found the worst 28 seconds in the history of music. Somehow, this does not disappoint.
Apr 26th
8,458 notes
1 tag
ilikelookingatnakedmen reblogged your photo: Haha, rad. I’m totally the blog you’re looking… Particularly enjoying the assumption that I’m a porn bot and not, yanno, a white liberal… That weren’t my assumption at all. Your name just made me smile. I’m super glad you liked my last article enough to follow me, and I hope not to disappoint!
Apr 26th
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Apr 26th
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Two comments from my last Cracked Article.
Wow, that’s pretty benign for an internet comment section — especially one beneath an article disputing gender and sexuality stereotypes. But it gets even stranger: That’s someone apologizing. To someone else. For being a dick. I’m worried I broke the internet.
Apr 26th
4 notes
princesshannen asked: Hi, I just wanted to let you know I really appreciated your article on Cracked today. Its nice (and unfortunately rare) to see a piece on gender that is funny and well, not sexist haha. Keep up the good work :)
Apr 25th
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5 Gender Stereotypes That Used to be the Exact... →
My latest article for Cracked, in which I solve sexism.
Apr 24th
7 notes
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So I've Started Running Now
And I have all kinds of weird questions, like: Why do my feet hurt so much? Is it impolite to pass people? Is it impolite to very, very slowly pass people because you don’t want to change your pace? Is it impolite to run right behind this girl because she has a great ass, and match her pace for a mile or so? Is it impolite to I don’t know how this is happening, but the more I...
Apr 24th
2 notes
So two weeks after I last did laundry
and I still haven’t moved my clothes to my dresser — I just grab clean clothes fresh from the hamper every morning.  Today, when I realized that my hamper was almost empty, I was struck with a terrifying thought: What the hell have I been doing with all my dirty clothes?
Apr 24th
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My new thing is to say "this is just like...
Apr 22nd
8 notes
1 tag
Dunno: Just saw it on facebook and it's better on... →
ipomoeaandthestarstealers: hollywoodfetus: glossylalia: nom-chompsky: thestarkinwinterfell: Game of Thrones House Beast and Words Game Pick an animal that starts with the last letter in your last name. Then go here and the first quote (or first part of the… You did it wrong, Eresbel, it’s the last letter you Doofus! Mine is “Turkey Vulture” and my house...
Apr 21st
1,188 notes
Happy 92nd Birthday, woman who gave birth to my...
Apr 21st
2 notes
1 tag
23andchildfree replied to your post: I was at a restaurant and the waiter was rude so this woman I was with wrote “why so passive aggressive” on the receipt next to the tip hahaha omg love it - it’s also an east coast thing too tbh :( It’s not even the same league.
Apr 20th
3 tags
Look, I understand that dealing with racist people...
but can we stop pretending that refusing to deal with them is a something to be proud of? Ignoring behavior only makes it go away if you have authority, and right now racist people have all the authority.  Now, I know that dealing with racist folk is particularly easy for me because I’m a heteronormative college educated white guy with piercing green eyes and a disarming smile — And...
Apr 20th
1 note
Gin tastes like Christmas trees. What does whiskey taste like?
Apr 20th
5 notes
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I was at a restaurant and the waiter was rude so...
and then Seattle exploded.
Apr 19th
4 notes
Normally I am really good at using thumbs to make...
This probably has something to do with all the drugs I smoke. If I do enough drugs I think the cool kids on my high school sailing team will want to hang out with me.
Apr 18th
I love when I follow someone and they immediately...
For some reason it makes me feel like a badass. I also have a stunningly low threshold for what kind of feeling is “Tumblr-Worthy.”
Apr 18th
Young, Black, and Stalked By Bias →
“People who are seeking to affix blame for this tragic death do need to bear one thing in mind. Gun laws that allowed a community watch volunteer to run around armed are, of course, partly responsible. But Trayvon Martin was killed by a very old idea that will likely take generations and an enormous cultural transformation to dislodge.” That’s a great NYT article, and if I could...
Apr 18th
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Apr 18th
1 tag
Apr 18th
368 notes
1 tag
meganwest replied to your post: Okay so can I just dress like Loki from The Avengers Loki dressed as human or Loki with Asgardian getup and horns? Either way, sure. SEE GUYS TUMBLR SAID IT’S OKAY FOR ME TO TEACH CLASS IN LOKI’S UNIFORM SO JUST SHUT UP NOW. 
Apr 18th
I have the house to myself today so I'm rocking...
I don’t really know how to manage my time properly? I’m also writing dick joke comedy for the internet.
Apr 18th
2 notes
Movie Review: Cabin in the Woods
Self references are the death throes of a medium. Once the core purpose of a movement is achieved, the only direction to go is inward, to explore the now-familiar tools used to make that achievement. Just as the writings of the post-modern poets would not have meant anything without the accomplishments of the romantics before them, Wes Craven’s New Nightmare would not have worked without...
Apr 18th
"I don't see race."
“Really? I don’t see pedestrians. When I’m driving. It’s a similar problem.”
Apr 18th
Okay so can I just dress like Loki from The...
Do you think that’s something I can just do.
Apr 18th
1 note
Apr 17th
1,267 notes
Apr 16th
12,008 notes
Apr 16th
12,745 notes
3 tags
Why I Would Make a Bad President (Reason 66):
I’ve been a teacher for less than a year, and I’m already sick of this conversation. “So what do you do?” “I’m a teacher.” “Really? Let me briefly articulate every problem with the American education system and what you need to do to fix it.”  “Wow, thanks. You’re saying I should make it fun for my students? Like, by trying to...
Apr 13th
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Apr 13th
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Apr 13th
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Why I Would Make a Bad President (Reason 65):
“Are you serious? What do you think the presidential powers are?” -My response to accusations about gas prices being too high.
Apr 12th
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Why I Would Make a Bad President (Reason 64):
“Can we stop pretending that this is about anything other than jealousy? Seriously, I’m sick to death of this “family values” shit. If you cared about family values, you’d have way more support for CPS, public schools, and health benefits. You’re just a bunch of guys who wanna fuck guys but are too embarrassed to admit it and insanely jealous that there are...
Apr 12th
2 notes
Apr 10th
4 notes
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Why I Would Make a Bad President (Reason 63):
I’m really bad at flirting with people on OKCupid. I got a message from a cute girl asking to buy me a drink. I immediately messaged back “okay how’s Thursday? Let me know soon so I can pencil you in.” In retrospect, I probably should have tried e-flirting or something. I’m not totally sure what this has to do with being president, but I think it bodes pretty poorly...
Apr 10th
2 notes
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Apr 9th
1 note
Apr 7th
37 notes
1 tag
Top Ten Non-Profits Straight Outta Science Fiction →
Sure, you can start a nonprofit based on giving food to hungry people or clothes for cold people, but why deal with boring real world problems when you can prepare to fight Terminators by making yourself into an immortal cyborg supervillain who also lives in space? By ME!
Apr 5th
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Apr 5th
3 notes
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On International Aid and Skying Out (Liberal) →
pculpa: There’s a concept I’ve become aware of in my work as a teacher called “skying out.” It’s when you start talking about something, and then keep going deeper and deeper into it with more and more analysis and abstraction until, finally, you’ve gotten so “deep” into the matter that you’re not actually talking about it anymore — you’re talking about a completely self-indulgent abstraction,...
Apr 5th
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Coolest Part of Moving: Writing Time!
I dunno if I’m alone in this, but I get this weird thrill when I’m writing in an unfamiliar place. The new sounds and smells just put me into this fuge where I’m not only being productive, but I’m excited about being productive and having a blast. For example, I just moved into a new apartment and I have been writing so much, every day, right when I get home. It’s...
Apr 4th
Time Travel Might Be Possible →
As a side note, that article says that Dr. Ronald Mallet, University of Connecticut, is the only black physics professor in the United States. That can’t be true… right? Right? Someone prove the Dailymail wrong, please.
Apr 1st
3 notes
Apr 1st
422 notes