My fellow Cracked writers have been doing some digging, because we will hunt you down if you steal from us. So far, they’ve found 22 articles stolen from Cracked and other sites like Listverse.com on CoolTop10s and RichTop10s, both of which are owned by Alex Noudelman.
Winston Rowntree illustrated your book? I preordered it just for you, but now I'm even more excited.
Winston DID do the illustrations for our book (get it!). I really couldn’t ask for a better collaborator and I hope we make lots of books together. Here are two of the ways in which Winston is amazing.
Perfect Execution of my Dumb Ideas: It was very comforting knowing that Winston could nail every illustration assignment I threw his way. I’d come up with some really dumb, really specific illustration idea without even knowing if it works and he would knock it out of the park and usually add things to it. There wasn’t a single rough draft I saw that I had to send back for not being what I’d envisioned. Finding a collaborator who is on your page and gets you is important and almost impossible.
Perfect Execution of his Own Ideas: I came up with a most of the assignments but there were a bunch, especially towards the end, where I was just lost. In those cases I would just send over the chapter and say “Look, man, I don’t know. Please read the chapter and come up with the perfect illustration, thaaaaanks.” And he would. I could just hand him a thing and trust that he would come up with some hilarious image that was tonally on point with the rest of the book. He saved my ass plenty in this book.
My apartment complex shut off my water so I can’t make coffee. They notified me this would be happening, but they did it with a note on my door, and I didn’t put it in my Google Calendar because the distance between my door and my computer is about 20 feet, which is too far for me to remember something. So I have to walk down the street to get my afternoon coffee.
My point is that no one in American history has ever had it harder than I have it right now.
I’m writing to humbly submit my application for the job of Staff Plagiarist for your website. For the past years, I have established myself as a competent, reliable-ish, and honest writer and editor for websites like Cracked, Film School Rejects, Fair.org and the magazine Geek. But more importantly for the purposes of this application, I once punched a street-artist in the throat, stole his drawing, put my name on the bottom, put it up in my apartment and used it to impress chicks. I believe these accomplishments make me an excellent candidate for a position on the writing staff of Collective-Evolution.com.
I was inspired to apply by your elegant explanation of the matter:
Heyyyy my name is Bailey and I was the crazy person on your facebook this morning. I had a point in commenting on your post, and then I got stupid and well, irritating. I just wanted to tell you I fully realize I was being ridiculous, maybe I'm PMSing or something. Thanks for deleting my comment, it saved me from further embarrassment. The worst part about the conversation was that I actually agreed with you, I just dug myself into a hole. Sorry.
Word. I unblocked you. Also this happened forever ago. I need to pay better attention to my inbox.
I think it's adorable that you blocked me for my extremely mild criticism of that abomination of a story you wrote about women in the military. Your introduction on both your Facebook and this website states "I am a writer," but you're gonna have a hard time gaining any sort of credibility or improving of you can't handle even the most minute criticism. What is your rationale for blocking someone who asks a single question that is kinda/sorta critical of something you wrote?
I don’t know who you are and I don’t remember blocking anybody? It may have happened, though, and based on the vitriolic stuff I let stay there, what you said must’ve been pretty bad. I also don’t believe you that your criticism was “extremely mild,” considering you JUST called my piece an “abomination.” What was your single, kinda/sorta critical question?
I really appreciated your "4 Exaggerated Dangers" article, especially the last section. One of the best written articles I've read on Cracked, keep it up
Thanks! I think our approach to drug addiction is the best example of “treat the symptom not the illness” out there. It was a really interesting topic to research, and I’m learning more all the time, and I hope to get to talk about it again some day. Until then, back to movies and boobs.
“Pick the big thing fucking up your life right now. Doesn’t matter if it’s something that everyone has to deal with, like situational social anxiety, or something more rare and difficult to explain, like Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. There are dozens, hundreds, maybe even billions of people who have dealt with it before you. Instead of feeling ashamed, feel liberated. Your problems are still big, and important, and it totally makes sense to feel overwhelmed. But once you realize that there are thousands of people at any given time going through the exact same thing, and that there are all kinds of ways to find them, you’ll also realize that you never have to feel alone again.”—J.F. Sargent (via cracked)
“Once the pots and pans are duct-taped to the ends of your limbs, you will finally have the armor necessary to fight off the meth-snakes. Do some blow to give yourself the required energy for the upcoming battle. Put on big, heavy boots.”—an excerpt from the pamphlet the guy who lives above me reads, every day.
Hey JF, I enjoyed today's cracked article on women in the military, and by "enjoyed" I mean "sighed bitterly and will never, ever read the comments". Thanks for getting this stuff out into the open and huge kudos to your collaborators for living with it for so long.
Thanks! Are you talking about this article? I hope so, otherwise your description of it is totally insane!
(Dammit, I need to get better at shoehorning promotions into my answers.)