Wanna know how How I Met Your Mother is gonna end, and why it’s better than Doctor Who? Or hear comedy writers speculate on the reproductive habits of anthropomorphic teacups from Beauty and the Beast? Or something about Forrest Gump, I dunno, I tend to space out whenever Raddy speaks? Then listen to this podcast, you deranged fucking lunatic!
I'm a senior at my university, and I was wondering if you guys were still letting people write articles for you. While I would like to be a writer by trade, I'm somewhat uncertain in my abilities (hence my major in Human Resource Management). I haven't visited the workshop yet, but I was wondering if you could offer any tips/encouragement. By the way, love the blog, love the website, love the writers. I don't know what I'd do without my daily Cracked fix.
So, last week I made a post about Alex Noudelman, a “Top 10” websites mogul who likes stealing articles from other sites, then accusing the original authors of plagiarism. He can get away with this because some sites, like Cracked, have forums where the writers develop the ideas for months and months before the sites buy them, so Noudelman just goes in there, scoops up the unfinished articles, and posts them before Cracked can. You can look at all the evidence in the post I linked to above. Other highlights of his career include filing copyright complaints against the same sites he steals from, harassing the original writers and possiblyposing as a cancer survivor on Twitter (I’ll get back to this one later).
Yesterday, Alex Noudelman finally spoke up through his Twitter account. His explanation for all the theft? It was me! The guy writing this Tumblr post! Apparently, I stole all those articles, sent them to him to publish them under false pretenses… and then wrote a lengthy post exposing my own crimes, for some reason. Here’s his evidence:
Because, you know, teenagers haven’t been faking emails using a combination of “emailing yourself” and “MS Paint” since the dawn of time. (Note that he has my IP address because I left him a nice message asking for the stolen articles to be removed before this whole thing started.) Anyway, I told him that I would confirm the email was real if he confirmed that this conversation between us took place:
Pretty sure I just figured out the ending to How I Met Your Mother
It’s not that the mother dies. It’s not that Ted bangs the Mother and then she leaves him and he raises the kids alone, even though a bait-and-switch non-traditional family at the center of a major sitcom would be awesome. And it’s not that Ted eats the mother after mating with her, despite all the hints that Ted is secretly a praying mantis. Are you ready? I’m gonna put it after the break because I’m pretty sure I’m right.
In a second deal coming out of Tor this week, Paul Stevens bought Robert Brockway’s The Unnoticeables, at auction, in a three-book, six-figure deal. Brockway, who is a senior editor and columnist for…
You did that on purpose, didn’t you? You titled your book in a way that just begs people to make stupid, lowest-common-denominator jokes about things they noticed about your book.
The Unnoticeables: Actually Worth Noticing
The 6 Coolest Hidden Details I Noticed about The Unnoticeables
If You Don’t Notice The Unnoticeables You’ll Wish You Had Been More Observant
Notice: Brockway, Robert. Male. Warrant Issued For: “Multiple Accounts of You Know Exactly What This is About, Don’t Play Dumb With Us.” [Warrant indefinitely delayed and delivered through book review due to officers being unable to find suspect’s house.]
My fellow Cracked writers have been doing some digging, because we will hunt you down if you steal from us. So far, they’ve found 22 articles stolen from Cracked and other sites like Listverse.com on CoolTop10s and RichTop10s, both of which are owned by Alex Noudelman.
Winston Rowntree illustrated your book? I preordered it just for you, but now I'm even more excited.
Winston DID do the illustrations for our book (get it!). I really couldn’t ask for a better collaborator and I hope we make lots of books together. Here are two of the ways in which Winston is amazing.
Perfect Execution of my Dumb Ideas: It was very comforting knowing that Winston could nail every illustration assignment I threw his way. I’d come up with some really dumb, really specific illustration idea without even knowing if it works and he would knock it out of the park and usually add things to it. There wasn’t a single rough draft I saw that I had to send back for not being what I’d envisioned. Finding a collaborator who is on your page and gets you is important and almost impossible.
Perfect Execution of his Own Ideas: I came up with a most of the assignments but there were a bunch, especially towards the end, where I was just lost. In those cases I would just send over the chapter and say “Look, man, I don’t know. Please read the chapter and come up with the perfect illustration, thaaaaanks.” And he would. I could just hand him a thing and trust that he would come up with some hilarious image that was tonally on point with the rest of the book. He saved my ass plenty in this book.
My apartment complex shut off my water so I can’t make coffee. They notified me this would be happening, but they did it with a note on my door, and I didn’t put it in my Google Calendar because the distance between my door and my computer is about 20 feet, which is too far for me to remember something. So I have to walk down the street to get my afternoon coffee.
My point is that no one in American history has ever had it harder than I have it right now.
I’m writing to humbly submit my application for the job of Staff Plagiarist for your website. For the past years, I have established myself as a competent, reliable-ish, and honest writer and editor for websites like Cracked, Film School Rejects, Fair.org and the magazine Geek. But more importantly for the purposes of this application, I once punched a street-artist in the throat, stole his drawing, put my name on the bottom, put it up in my apartment and used it to impress chicks. I believe these accomplishments make me an excellent candidate for a position on the writing staff of Collective-Evolution.com.
I was inspired to apply by your elegant explanation of the matter:
Heyyyy my name is Bailey and I was the crazy person on your facebook this morning. I had a point in commenting on your post, and then I got stupid and well, irritating. I just wanted to tell you I fully realize I was being ridiculous, maybe I'm PMSing or something. Thanks for deleting my comment, it saved me from further embarrassment. The worst part about the conversation was that I actually agreed with you, I just dug myself into a hole. Sorry.
Word. I unblocked you. Also this happened forever ago. I need to pay better attention to my inbox.
I think it's adorable that you blocked me for my extremely mild criticism of that abomination of a story you wrote about women in the military. Your introduction on both your Facebook and this website states "I am a writer," but you're gonna have a hard time gaining any sort of credibility or improving of you can't handle even the most minute criticism. What is your rationale for blocking someone who asks a single question that is kinda/sorta critical of something you wrote?
I don’t know who you are and I don’t remember blocking anybody? It may have happened, though, and based on the vitriolic stuff I let stay there, what you said must’ve been pretty bad. I also don’t believe you that your criticism was “extremely mild,” considering you JUST called my piece an “abomination.” What was your single, kinda/sorta critical question?