May 2013
17 posts
3 tags
5 Brilliant Clues Hidden in the Background of... →
Sometimes movies gives away their own ending (or at least crucial upcoming plot points) by dropping vague little hints early on. You just have to keep your eyes open.
New article up! About foreshadowing in movies! I really like movies!
If you’ve ever wondered how absolutely rock-fuck-stupid the internet is, check out comics writer Gail Simone’s Tumblr to see people who don’t understand why a professional writer doesn’t like it when people torrent (steal) her work.
8 New TV Shows That Are Really Just 4 New TV Shows... →
Fox and NBC have announced their fall lineup, and it’s hard not to notice some similarities between their offerings. Even beyond the standard “here’s
5 Horrifying Implications of the 'Star Trek'... →
It turns out there are some horrible implications behind all that awesome technology and progressive ideology that are never addressed.
I can probably write off my Netflix Account, right? After writing this? Oh man I totally can.
The X-Men Rogue is the wet dream that Men’s Rights Activists won’t admit they’re having.
My Interview over at Geeky Universe →
The editors of Geeky Universe interviewed me about my last Cracked article, comic books and, for some reason, Avenue Q.
Anonymous asked: I really enjoyed your article about nerd racism (even if most people in the comments seem to disagree).
19 Iconic Cultural Firsts From Human History →
Right now, you are surrounded by really cool stuff. There’s probably a Doctor Who poster next to you, or a T-Shirt displaying some sweet band that you want people to associate with you. But where does this stuff come from? No one knows! Oh, wait, yes we do…
Remember when I asked you guys to ask me questions? I found the answers! I found all the answers!
This was fun. I’ll do it...
The 5 Most Insulting Defenses of Nerd Racism →
Warning, do not read around anything both extremely valuable and breakable.
I write articles about racisms for Cracked sometimes! This is one of those times!
Not everyone agrees about Iron Man 3 — some people loved it, and other people are fucking stupid.
But I think that everyone agrees that it didn’t have a sex-tape subplot.
And if it did have a sex-tape subplot? Well. I guess we’ll never know.
Crowd Sourcing: You guys come up with a question,...
First performance of the Moon Walk? First guitar smashed on stage? First superhero? First movie sex scene? What Iconic cultural firsts do you WISH you knew about?
A Really Cool Observation About The Avengers and...
A writer by the name of Dan Forward left a comment on my 5 Marvel Movie Characters Who Totally Dropped the Ball article that I think is goddamn brilliant and, with his permission, I’m reposting it here:
On the Loki thing, I completely agree with you. He was maybe the least compelling part of The Avengers, though I think that the movie wasn’t really about the villains, but just about...
5 Marvel Characters Who Totally Dropped the Ball →
Sometimes the characters in these movies seem to know less about what they’re doing than we do, and for every sensible decision they make, they stumble through a series of catastrophically terrible blunders that defy explanation.
I’ve wanted to write an entry in the unofficial “Totally Dropped the Ball” series for a long time, and I’m super glad I got to do it with...
Guys I Just Got Google Glass
My favorite feature is the Achievement App. Here are some screencaps I took with my brain:
4 tags
6 Movie Good Guys You Didn't Notice Were Total... →
Heroic movie characters stand up for what they feel is right, and they stick to those beliefs until it’s inconvenient not to.
Guys I wrote this.
April 2013
36 posts
5 tags
Mind Blowing Movie Fact:
The opening scene of Reservoir Dogs (filmed on actor Steve Buscemi’s birthday) was intended to end abruptly after Tarantino completed his “Like a Virgin” monologue, but due to an accident the cameras kept rolling. Because the film was shot on such a low budget, they were filming in an actual diner during work hours and all actors had to contribute to the bill for their...
Anonymous asked: Random question, but what did you think of the movie Sucker Punch? Just wondering.
6 tags
5 Reasons Superhero Movies Are a Bubble That Will... →
AKA Five Reasons Nerd-Dominated-Hollywood is soon doomed.
If I can be honest, I’m super shocked Cracked bought this from me. It’s way more abstract and weird and speculative than anything they’ve let me write before, and I’m super, super, super proud of how it turned out. Especially this part:
I’d see the hell out of that movie.
You know, right now everyone’s pissed about Amanda Palmer’s bland, offensively stupid poem about the Boston Bombing.
But I think with time, that’ll pass, and in twenty years when we’re all looking back on this moment we’ll see her poem and say “Amanda who?”
1 tag
that-horny-mofo:
cutekings:
today my friend told me tom cruises front tooth is in the middle of his face and i didnt believe him but
THIS BOTHERS ME SO MUCH
Sometimes I tell myself “Sarge you are a professional writer you should only put original content on your blog and not reblog things” but then I see a picture of Tom Cruise with a funny tooth thing and I think “just...
STOP SCROLLING THROUGH YOUR DASHBOARD AND READ...
Haha.
Did that work?
I need to diversify my library of curses. Bonus points for originality and cruelty, points deducted for the mockery of a suspect classification.
I am now taking suggestions.
What have you got for me, internet?
2 tags
Catching up on Doctor Who
I gotta say, I’m really happy with the characterization of Clara so far. She’s a beautiful, spunky and flirtatious twenty something who always has the Doctor off-kilter because of her sexual aggressiveness.
This is such a welcome change from Amy Pond, who was a beautiful, spunky and flirtatious twenty-something who always had the Doctor off-kilter because of her sexual...
4/20 Actually is Pretty Special For Me
If she hadn’t peacefully passed away just under a month ago, today would’ve been my grandmother Dorothy’s 93rd birthday.
There aren’t going to be any jokes in this post, but I don’t think it will be too sad either.[[MORE]]
When I was four and five years old, complicated family situations meant that I lived with her for a year that would prove to be the most...
3 tags
Wait a minute.
Why didn’t Ariel just write the prince a goddamn note? We know she can write, she signs Ursula’s contract.
Edit: Ursula’s contract is clearly in English so we know that there’s no language barrier.
4 Ideas Showing Up in Every 2013 Sci-Fi Movie |... →
What with Iron Man 3, Oblivion, Elysium, Pacific Rim and the myriad other blockbusting sci-fi movies coming out, 2013 is shaping up to be a great year for the
Direct Link to My Interview with Bill Leff →
Bill’s a funny dude and I had a lot of fun with this. I hope someone out there in internet land likes it.
Listen to me talk about my latest Cracked article... →
On Beiber and Anne Frank
So, it’s kinda fucked up that we’re all ripping on an 18 year old kid for not knowing the precise thing to say about the Holocaust, right? Because even Elie Wiesel doesn’t know the precise right thing to say about it.
Like, Justin Beiber is a kid. What he basically said was “I wish that Anne Frank could’ve enjoyed the music I make.” Is that… is that bad?...
2 tags
“But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells...”
– Patton Oswalt
I don't normally read my Tumblr feed, but I did...
Dear everyone I follow:
If you post anything glorifying self-harm on your Tumblr, you are a piece of shit. A cancerous waste of sperm and eggs feeding directly on whatever good remains in this already tragically broken society. There is probably no redeeming you, and I wish you all the ill will in the world. Go fuck yourself with a razor blade.
Also, I’m totally unfollowing you and...
CLICK TO WATCH ME SHADOW REAL LIFE SUPERHERO... →
Starting at 1AM PST. I’ll be the skinny guy in the leather jacket.
Stark Trek: Into Iron Man
Here’s the new Star Trek: Into Darkness Poster:
And here’s the old Iron Man 3 Poster:
And here’s what happened 15 seconds before:
“I sure am glad I read the comment section!”
– No one, ever.
Spoilers: One of my Upcoming Cracked Articles has...
But which one?!?!
Follow me and read them all to find out!!!
2 tags
Dr. Malcolm: God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs, God creates Man, Man destroys God, Man creates dinosaurs.
Dr. Satler: Dinosaurs EAT man... woman inherits the Earth.
Sargent: Really, Dr. Satler? Really? You think the dino-pocalypse is somehow going to kill off all men, but the women will survive?
Dr. Satler: How many women die in this movie, Sarge?
Sargent: Well I'll just shut the fuck up then.
“I, like you, do not understand any of the words in the above paragraphs. I...”
– Robert Brockway, Cracked.com, This Article. This quote captures exactly how I feel about Pokemon, which is great news, because now I never have to talk about Pokemon ever again. 